Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I am writing today because I need your advice. I have been in a relationship with a man for seven years. I met him when I was 15. He is older than I am by 25 years. However, in 2009, he got married to a woman who lives abroad. When I met him he told me he had someone abroad. There were times when I asked him about the woman and he said they weren't on good terms. All of a sudden, this marriage came up.

The problem is, I am so in love with him. I just couldn't leave him when he told me he had married, but I feel guilty and I am also very unhappy and depressed. I do not want to have a relationship with a married man. What should I do? I have tried leaving, but I can't.

Please, help me. I am looking forward to your response.

Anonymous

Dear ... ,

You have wasted seven years with this man. You might consider the years you have spent with him as enjoyable. However, as you look back, you have come to realise that he has used you as convenience while his bona fide woman was living abroad. She was too far away to meet his sexual needs, so he used you, from the time you were 15, to satisfy that need.

Yes, he told you he had a woman abroad, but he gave you the impression that the relationship was not going well. This is not a man of integrity. This is not a man who is sensitive of a woman's feelings. This is a selfish man who tried to make excuses for his wicked deeds and also behaved as if he was sorry when, inwardly, he was not.

This man did not care for you. To him, you were only good for the bedroom. He couldn't marry you because, apart from sex, you didn't have much to offer. Therefore, I say to you, although you still love him, it behoves you to end the relationship with him. To take such a decision may cause you many sleepless nights, but it is in your interest to do so because the longer you stay with him you will only bring more pain and sadness to your life. Let him go now and allow your heart to mend and to build your future without him.

Pastor