Dear Pastor,

I am living with my boyfriend and his mother. I am 24 years old but he is 20. His mother is sickly and that is the reason why I agreed to come and live with him. We have been friends for two years and he used to help me pay my rent. Things got hard on him since his mother became ill. He has two sisters and they are living in America.

Since I am here I am tied down. I can't get to go anywhere because I can't leave her alone and my boyfriend does security work. His mother does not give me any trouble. But when I look into my life, I can see that I am not getting anywhere.

I have a daughter and she is living with her father's people. Her father lives in Canada. Recently, he came to Jamaica and found me. I could not go anywhere with him, so I told my boyfriend's mother that my brother is coming to see me. When he came, I introduced him to my boyfriend's mother as my brother. And just by seeing him the sparks flew. He spent half a day with me and we ended up having sex in the kitchen. After we were finished having sex, I felt guilty.

When my boyfriend came home, I didn't want his mother to tell him that somebody came to the house so I told him the same story that I told his mother. My boyfriend didn't believe that the person was my brother, but I convinced him that he was. Now my babyfather wants to come back and marry me. I don't know what to do.

I don't want to be ungrateful to my boyfriend, but I want to marry my child's father. Should I tell my boyfriend that my child's father is asking me to marry him? I am nervous about it, so please give me your good advice.

T.S.

Dear T.S.,

First of all let me congratulate you for being willing to nurse your boyfriend's mother. Some women would not commit themselves to that. I am sure your boyfriend appreciates what you are doing for his mom and him. And although he might not say it, he knows that you are not obligated to do so. I am also happy to hear that his mother and you get along very well.

However, I understand why you have to be thinking about your future and why the marriage proposal from your child's father might be tempting. He is the father of your child. He lives abroad and not much is going on for you in Jamaica, apart from receiving food and shelter from your boyfriend and his mother.

It is unfortunate, however, that when this man visited you, you had sex with him in your boyfriend's mother, house, and in the kitchen in particular. You told one lie and another to cover up the lie. But put that aside. I am suggesting that you seriously consider the offer that was made by your child's father. Marry him if you believe that you truly love him and that both of you will have a future together.

You should, however, inform your boyfriend that your child's father is proposing to you and that you are considering it. Expect him to object. Make sure that before you tell him that you secure your travelling documents because he might search for them and destroy them. On the other hand, he might wish you well, but remind you that his love for you will never die.

I cannot encourage you to do a very secret marriage without informing the man that you are planning to move on. In other words, do not do anything that will cause him to hate you because he has been good to you.

Pastor