Dear Pastor,

I am a single parent and I have four children with a Jamaican man. I am 42 years old and my children are all grown. I have never been married. This man plays around a lot. He cannot be satisfied with one woman. And because he won't settle down, he has driven me to a life of unfaithfulness. He doesn't know that I have been having sex with other men.

One of these men cannot get enough of me. My children know him. He wants us to take our relationship to a higher level. My children are grown so that is not a problem to him.

But our relationship is still a secret because I am still living with my children's father and the house belongs to both of us.

This gentleman is capable of supporting me. He has a very good job and I like his family. I am writing you because I want you to help me make a decision. At my age, do you suggest that I should leave my children's father and marry this man?

J.S., U.S.A.

Dear J.S.,

Your children's father and you have been unfaithful to each other. You claim that your unfaithfulness is in retaliation to his unfaithfulness to you. Although this man has been unfaithful to you, you did not have to become unfaithful to him and then blame him for your actions, because everybody is responsible for his/her behaviour. You decided that you have had enough so you decided that you were going to have a 'fling.'

I would like to know how is it that you have been able to have sex with different men without your children's father finding out and both of you are living in the same house. Is it because he doesn't care what you do? Evidently, this man decided long ago that he will never marry you. And you have come to realise that the relationship is dead. You should not, therefore, remain in the same house while you are misbehaving.

You have not mentioned anything about counselling. And that tells me that you are quite prepared to go with the man who wants to take the relationship that both of you are having to a higher level. I hope you will weigh the matter carefully, and if you are fully convinced that that is what you should do, both of you should seek the help of a family counsellor.

Pastor