Dear Pastor,

Keep up your good work. I am 28 years old and the mother of two children, a boy and a girl. I did not grow up with my parents. My mother gave me away to a woman when I was four. Although the lady was not far from my mother's home, she didn't visit. This lady sent me to school but, when I was 16, I got pregnant by a man who I did not know very well. He told my guardian that the child was not his. My guardian questioned me. She said she was going to beat me but I begged her not to because I was talking the truth.

When the child was born, she went in search of the man and found him. He owned up and said the child resembled his family. He started visiting regularly and brought ground provision for me and the lady. He was a farmer but didn't have money.

When I was 18, I got pregnant for him again. It was after I was pregnant the second time I found out he couldn't read. I was ashamed and couldn't let anybody know. I became a Christian and started to go to church. The man offered to marry me, but I told him no.

My guardian helped me with the children. My biggest problem now is that she has a son. He is her first child and he living abroad. He wants to marry me. I love him but I am confused. When he told his mother, she did not take him seriously. When he first tried to kiss me, I pulled away. Now things have changed. I am looking at it in a very serious way.

Part of me says nothing is wrong in marrying him and part of me is saying he is like a brother. His mother said she was not going to stop anything, both of us would have to make our own decision because we are not related by blood.

We have never had sex but the wedding is planned for August. Do you think it is wrong for us to get married? Please answer me.

C.M.

Dear C.M.,

This is a difficult one. I believe that your guardian is correct. The decision to marry her son rests solely with both of you. Some people, I am sure, consider the both of you as brother and sister. You were never legally adopted and, evidently, this man never looked at you as his sister. He knows about your background and considers you a good woman. Therefore, I will not say anything that will make you feel uncomfortable. If you are not satisfied with what I have said, feel free to call me. My numbers are listed.

Pastor