Dear Pastor,

How are you doing? I hope you are ok and in the best of health. I have a problem and I am seeking your advice. I am 22 and I am talking to this guy who is 27. I am in love with this guy but he has a girlfriend who he said has her man living abroad. He said that she won't leave her man abroad for him. They are not married but I don't know if this guy is serious about me.

He told me that he grew up seeing his parents being married and that is the life he wants to live. When he is home with the girl he doesn't text or call me. I don't hear from him for days.

Sometimes when I text him and he doesn't reply, I would tell him that I am pregnant for him just to see his reactions. He would respond by telling me that it is ok and he loves me enough to leave the other girl because he deserves more than her. He even told me that we can look a place and live together as a family with his unborn child, but I was only joking.

He was a bit disappointed with me not being pregnant, even though it wouldn't have been his first child. He told me that he loves me on many occasions but I don't know if it is true because nothing sometimes matter to him.

My problem is that I really love this guy. I know I can go on my knees and pray and ask God to show me signs if this man is for me or not, but I also ask for you to pray for me as well, pastor. I really would like to get married and go into my church with this guy. I love him so much. All I do at times is listen love songs but I am insecure with him. Do you think this man loves me, pastor? Can you give me your advice, please?

Insecure

Dear Insecure,

You are wasting your time with this young man. I cannot pray that God will bring both of you closer together. I see him as a liar. If he really wanted to leave this woman for you, he would have done so long ago. You are wasting your time. Start dating other guys. And let him know that you are doing so.

Pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old girl who can't find her place in this world. I have been through a lot over the past two years. I was in college, but I failed some courses and I don't want to go back. Even when I am around a lot of people and even family members, I still feel lonely. I am in search of happiness and belonging.

I have had sex with 16 different persons and even oral sex with one of the guys. None of my search for love and happiness ended well, so I am still lonely and depressed. Men just not working out for me and the only thing that can make me feel fulfilled is having a baby. I can't though because I am not employed and I am still living with my mother. I need your help. I don't know what to do or to feel better.

Lonely and Depressed

Dear Lonely and Depressed,

First of all, I want to talk to you about school work. You failed some courses and I am sure that you felt very discouraged. No ambitious student wants to fail, but that has happened many times. However, when one fails an exam or more than one, that should help to motivate him/her to do better in the future. Failure is not always bad, because sometime some people might have become too complacent and may not have spent enough time to prepare for exams. And when they fail, that becomes a wakeup call. So, please go back to school and don't give up.

Concerning the struggles you have had with boyfriends, I would suggest that you stop allowing men to toy with your body. You may need some help. Your relatives might not be showing you much love, so you have turned to guys for love and they have let you down.

As you see now, these guys are not helping you. So, leave them alone until you feel mature enough and able to make intelligent decisions as far as relationships are concern.

Pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am in a relationship with a man and he threw me out and told me to leave. I left and now I am pregnant for someone else. The man who threw me out is now calling me and telling me that he wants me to come back to live with him. It is too late now because I am pregnant and I don't think he would take me back if he knew that I am pregnant.

D.S.

Dear D.S.,

Tell this man that you have found yourself pregnant by another man so you cannot return to him.

Pastor

Dear Pastor,

A lady said that her granddaughter framed her son by saying that he raped her. All her son did was to touch the little girl on her shoulder. Mass hysteria is what is going on these days, pastor. People are becoming crazy. If a man looks at a child, he is considered a rapist. If he touches a child, he is also a rapist. If a father kisses his daughter, he is a molester. If a father hugs his daughter, he is also considered a child molester and a rapist.

People are going mad. How can we live live this? Men whether guilty or not guilty, will be branded as rapists and molesters. I hate the people of Jamaica. They are so stupid. Soon men will be hunted like dogs for crimes they did not commit. And soon men will be victims of mob killings just because they hugged a little girl or kissed their daughters.

Unnamed

Dear ..,

I could see your concerns. Some people try to be cautious and they are tempted to say and do things that are outside the norm. If a man is not guilty of wrong, he does not need to be ashamed of anything.

Pastor

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR. AARON DUMAS, P.O. BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE: 929-1667/8 EMAIL: PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM