Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and my boyfriend and I have been going together from I was 16. The first night he tried to have sex with me I trembled very much and he became scared and stopped. He told me that whenever I am ready he will do so, but I am always making excuses. Even when I am not seeing my period I tell him that my period has come.

infrequently

These days, he has been calling me infrequently. When I asked him why, he said he cannot wait any longer on me and he would like a girl who would give him sex sometimes and not make the type of excuses that I am making. He is now a soldier. I believe that I have lost him. I love men but I am afraid of sex. I am planning to tell him that we should not give up on each other because I still love him and my love for him will never die.

M.N.

Dear M.N.,

You have had a boyfriend for a long while. You tried to have sex with him but you were not successful. You are afraid of sex, you say, but you love men. There are lots of women in the world like you. They are not abnormal. They are just fearful that something will happen to them or they feel that they would not enjoy the act. I am not saying that you should force yourself to have sex with your boyfriend but I am thinking that the time will come when you would have to have sex with your husband. So, whatever might be the problem now, you should try and have it resolved. You need to seek professional help and do not at all be afraid of telling the psychologist how you feel and why there is this fear in you. I hope your boyfriend would continue to show you much love and affection and would be patient with you. I wish you the very best.

Pastor