He is ugly but I love him

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and have never been married. When I was younger, people used to tell me that I was beautiful. I had three other sisters, but among all of us, I was the most beautiful. Men dated me and I have had serious relationships, but none of them lasted. Some of the guys told me I was too educated for them. Three of my sisters got married and have children. I was more interested in getting an education. Two of my sisters who got married are teachers. One is a housewife.

Now that I am 40 years old, I am still beautiful because I take care of myself. Now I am seeing a man who is divorced. He has three children. He is the ugliest man I have ever dated. The guys I used to go for were handsome. This man has a pot belly and is short. I tease him about his stomach and he says that all the girls like the way he looks. I told him he was not dating all the girls, he was dating me.

I didn't see him for two weeks, neither did he call. When I called him, he did not respond, so I went to his workplace and asked him why he was not responding. He told me that he was comfortable with himself, but I was not comfortable with him because his stomach seemed to be in the way.

Pastor, he is so cocky. I could not believe that this man who is not good-looking dumped me just like that.

My mother told me that I will never get married if I keep talking to men like that. I don't need this man's money. I have a very good job and a three-bedroom town house, but I do feel lonely. I always have my sisters' children around me on weekends to keep my company, and I like cooking for them, but I would like to get married before I get older.

I like dancing, and this man is a good dancer. When he comes around, we play music and dance. He has never slept at my house. Whatever goes on between us at my house, he leaves and goes home. I cook whenever he is with me because he doesn't like to eat out. He is the type of man who doesn't allow me to use my money to buy things to cook for him. I asked him why and he said I was single but he was a man and he was responsible for what he ate. I had to make a promise to him that I would not mock him or comment on his pot belly.

We haven't talked about marriage, but he knows that I would love to get married. How can I get over his size and his looks? I am eager to hear from you.

N.H.

Dear N.H.,

This man you described as not being good-looking has pride. He will not stand for your insults. If you are not interested in him, you should tell him, but you should not be talking so often about the way he looks. He is comfortable with himself, and if you want to tell him that he is overweight, you will have to do so cautiously and not mockingly. Right now he feels that when you talk about his weight, you are mocking him. He will not put up with that from anybody, including you, who claim that you love him. As far as he is concerned, if you love him, you will have to love his pot belly.

You know that belly fat is not good for a man to carry or for anybody at all. However, there are women who love to see a man with a little belly. So when this man did not come back to visit you or even call you, he was saying, "Let her go to hell! She is out of order. I can do without her." However, it doesn't seem that right now you can do without him. He is the best thing since sliced bread to you, and that is why you went after him. Good girl! You did the right thing.

Now, concerning his looks, he is not handsome, but evidently, he is a gentleman and knows how to treat a lady. Some men are handsome, but that's all they have going for them. They have no money and they don't have class. Try your very best to show this man that you appreciate him. Make sure that you love his children also. Use common sense. It is great when a woman is educated and has common sense. Don't give this man the impression that you have something over him. He will reject you. He has indicated that already to you.

If you want to get married, don't allow this man to slip through your fingers. You hear?

Pastor