Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and my wife is 37. We got married one year ago but I am disappointed in her. We do not have any children. I have lived as a single man all my life and never had sex until I met my wife. The first night we tried to have sex we failed and my wife cursed me and went to bed. During the night I tried to wake her up for us to try again and she told me that we could try during the day because neither of us was going to work.

We were at a cottage, so in the morning while she was still sleeping I went on the road and saw a vendor selling the newspaper. I bought the paper and went back to the cottage. After breakfast, we tried to have sex again and my wife embarrassed me. Before I entered, I discharged. She did not only curse me but she told me that she was sorry she did not try me out before we got married. She said that men say they don't like to buy 'puss in bag' but she bought 'penis in bag'.

Right before me, my wife masturbated and I was embarrassed. It is now very hard for me to communicate with her when it comes to sex. She told me that she is going to cheat on me but it won't be something that she would hide because I have no use. I get an erection but sometimes as I enter I discharge and it is embarrassing. Is there any hope for me?

F.L

Dear F.L.,

You are suffering from a condition that is called premature ejaculation, but medical practitioners and sex therapists believe that such a condition is a learning disability and not a physical condition. Therefore, it is something that a man can overcome. When a man has not had sex for a long time he can become so excited and eager so that as his penis enters the vagina he ejaculates. And there are some men, even before they penetrate they discharge and it is not possible for them to try again immediately because they have lost their erection.

You have been having this problem for too long and your wife has become impatient and she has informed you that she is going to get another man. I am putting it to you, sir, that she will get another man unless you are able to overcome this problem. You need to see a sex therapist who can teach you how to overcome this problem.

Your problem is not something you need to tell everybody because people will laugh at you. Your wife needs sex and you need sex and I repeat, your condition can be cured. Some men masturbate before they approach their wives for sex and that minimises the possibility of experiencing premature ejaculation. I do not recommend this approach. What I would suggest is that your wife and yourself learn to practice the 'squeeze technique'. I cannot explain this technique in this column but a family counsellor who is a sex therapist should be able to explain this method to you, so please make an appointment to see one as soon as possible.

Pastor