Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and suffering from premature ejaculation. I realised I had this disability at 18 when I lost my virginity. I have been nothing but depressed since.

I have been avoiding relationships and sex because of the fear of my premature ejaculation. When I do get into a relationship I feel insecure and leave. This is because I am conscious that my disorder will lead to my partner cheating or leaving.

I would deeply appreciate if you would assist in giving me advice on how I can control my premature ejaculation. I have done a lot of research online to make myself more knowledgeable about this. I have never got the chance to try any of the solutions available but, based on my understanding thus far, a lot of them are fraud.

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

You need to understand premature ejaculation is a learning disability not a physical condition. I am not sure you fully understand what is meant by premature ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation is when a man cannot keep himself from ejaculating before he wants to do so. Some men ejaculate just by thinking about having sex with their women. Some men don't have to even enter the vagina.

You seem to be blaming the occasion when you lost your virginity. Losing your virginity has nothing to do with having a premature ejaculate, unless you mean you were so anxious that you ejaculated early.

No injection will help you. Some men asked me to recommend tablets they could take. Some of the suggestions that men give to others often make matters worse. Some people recommend certain tablets and oils etc.

The best advice, however, I can give is for a man to have self-control. The problem is psychological and practising what is called 'premonitory sensation' can help you to overcome the problem of premature ejaculation.

However, some (who do not know better) will condemn this type of practice because they consider masturbation to be wrong. Men can engage in premonitory sensation alone or with his sexual partner.

There is also the squeeze technique that is highly recommended if a man has a cooperative wife. All these you may learn to do by buying certain books or doing research online.

Pastor