Dear Pastor

I have been reading your columns for a long time now; keep up the good work. I am 19. I have been unhappy since I was very young. When I was 13, I skipped school and accompanied a friend to her boyfriend's house. The police came and we had to go to court. I ended up in homes and she got probation. The reason that I ended up in a girls' home is because my dad told the court to take responsibility of me because I was out of control and I do nothing at home - which was a lie, because I cooked and cleaned and he didn't do anything. The only problem he had with me was that I came home late, but that wasn't my fault.

When I was young and attending primary school, he was dating another woman. She had two daughters and a son, and every time I got home she would beat and punish me. She just didn't like me and the worst part of it was my dad would beat me again when he got home after she complained to him. He never asked me what happened, so from childhood, I never liked going home. I would just stay out after school.

My dad was very abusive to me, and each time he hit me it would leave a mark on my skin. When I went to a girls' home in July I ran away in August because I didn't like it there. I was all over the place. I was afraid to go to my dad. Anyway, after my 15th birthday I decided to go back home. I stayed with my dad for a couple months. Then he put me out because I didn't wash his clothes. I didn't because he had a woman that he gave all his money, so she should have washed his clothes.

I left and went to stay with a guy I was in a relationship with. One night, a couple hours after the boyfriend came home, some other guys came knocking at the door. They cut the electricity. It was about seven of them. They took me away, and I had to have sex with all of them because they had a gun. The guy I was dating did nothing after they brought me back to his house. He asked me for sex after he saw what had happened. I figured he had something to do with it. I went in the shower and I cried and cried. I didn't call the police because I had just ran away. I was a fugitive.

The next day I went by a friend and stayed there for a couple months. Then I went back to my dad after turning 16. He put me out again because I didn't spread the bed he slept on. I went back to my friend's house.

One night, I was going back to my friend's house after a day on the road. I was not familiar with the route to her house. I took the wrong bus and my phone was dead. I had to sleep with the driver and buy gas for him to take me home. After that I decided to visit my brother in the country and I got a job as a bartender. After all that I still love my dad. Am I crazy to?? He was never there for me, but I love him to death. I lost faith in God and I want to trust him again, but I don't know how.

C.F.

Dear C.F.

I have observed that you have not said anything about your mother. Am I to understand that she gave you to your father as a child and she had nothing to do with you? It is evident that you had a very rough childhood and you needed proper parental guidance. Your father saw you as just a rude girl. He didn't understand what you were going through as a girl.

You started to have sex at a tender age which was not surprising after moving from place to place. The young man with whom you were living when you were raped is a very wicked man. He has a dirty mind. He is a beast. He knew exactly what the guys were going to do with you. All of these men should be in prison today.

You believe that life could have been worst with you. Looking back, for reasons known to yourself you still love your father. I don't see you as a bad girl. I see you as a very unfortunate young woman. I see you as someone who would do well if the opportunity was given to you. I am glad you are working.

I would like to encourage you to try your best and go back to school. I don't know how it can be done with the type of work that you are doing. However, keep that in mind. You are going to need an education. Don't give up the job that you have now, but try to find another which would allow you the time to go to school. Continue to love your daddy, but the time will come when he will be proud of you. Call him on his birthday and on Father's Day and whenever it is possible, visit him.

Pastor