Dear Pastor,

I would like you to help me solve a problem. I am 18 and out of school. I want to go back to school. I have a man friend and I love him but it is a secret between the both of us because, nowadays, people are condemning girls who love older men. And this man and I have been 'dealing' from the time I was 16. My mother knows about it and she told my father. my father spoke to him about our relationship and told me I can go on.

My father is sickly so he cannot work very hard, but he still works. My mother does day's work. She is tired of it now but she cannot stop. I have a brother who is living with his baby- mother. He hardly gives my mother anything.

My man is forty-two years old. He has a son who is my age. The people in the yard where he lives think that I am his niece because I call him uncle to hide our relationship. Younger guys like me but I don't like them because, nowadays, young guys like to hit girls and this man has never hit me.

I did not do well in school. I only have three subjects. Pastor, please do not condemn me. Do you think I am too young for this man? I am looking for your answer in The Star.

V.E.

Dear V.E.,

You are putting me on the spot, but I am not going to say yes or no. You are an adult and you believe that you are in love with this man and that he loves you. I do not believe I should discourage or encourage the relationship. Some men have married much younger women and they are happy together. Some women have married much younger men and they too are happy.

When couples get together only for financial reasons, they are likely to have difficulty years after. But if they get married because they truly love each other, they will stay together.

The question is, how long are you going to pretend to be this man's niece? When the people in the community in which he lives find out that both of you are lovers, they are likely to say that this man is having an intimate relationship with his niece. Therefore, it is better to speak the truth from the very start. I hope that this man would not get you pregnant. And I would also hope that he would send you back to school. To me, to get an education is your greatest need right now.

I wish you well. Sorry for disappointing you by not giving you a straight answer by saying yes or no.

Pastor