Dear Pastor,

My husband is in urgent need of counselling. He has lost sight of the importance of making the right choices in life. We have been together for over two years. When I first met him, he had nothing but a kind heart and a willing soul. We built a life together. I took care of him for the first year. I bought a boat and a car so he could have pride in himself and make life. I clothed him and fed him.

Now that he has got accustomed to being cared for, he is not willing to make it on his own. He curses me and wants me to buy him gold chains and a big bike. I work two jobs to make it and to keep our relationship alive. The cost of travelling every three months is hard. I took the risk of buying him a car (taxi) in the hope that he would be able to financially take care of himself and to make the relationship work.

He has not been contributing to making the relationship work, and to make things worse, he still asks for more help. He has asked for money to pay the car insurance, and when he gets it, he does not pay it. These types of incidents have happened more than once.

I am not the scornful type. I'd rather get over it than dwell in anger. He has lied outright and has disrespected me. I don't want to give up, but I fear I will have to if he is unwilling to change his ugly ways.

I have shown him everything - bank accounts, my pay slips, and mortgage payments - in the hope that he would understand. I took a loan to buy the car and I paid for it alone. I do not have a pile of money sitting on and foreign life is hard as well.

I am aware that I have caused this problem to a certain degree by taking care of him and giving in to his wants on many occasions. And I am not punishing him when he does wrong (not that I should have to), but I fear that our marriage will be ruined by his greed.

A

Dear A,

You have spoiled your husband. He has had life too easy and I do not believe that he is going to change. He sees you as someone who should support him at all times. Why have you showered these expensive gifts on this man? What were you trying to prove? I do not doubt that you love him, but he has not shown that he loves you. What he is prepared to do is to use you to get anything that he wants, therefore, I suggest that you make it very clear to him that you are not prepared to allow him to live off you anymore. You have bought him a taxi, so he should support himself and cover all his bills. Good men don't live off women, so you should tell this man that he should not expect any more money from you.

Pastor