...and didn't tell me

Dear Pastor,

I am a security guard and I buy the Star just to read your column. I also listen to your show every night. It keeps me company and it prevents me from falling asleep. I am a Rastaman and I live with my queen. We have three children. Sometimes my queen's sister stays with her and she comes to my workplace and keeps me company, but she has to leave early before the last bus stops running. She is not a Rasta and her people can't understand why she is with a Rastaman. She is very humble.

She stopped herself from having more children without getting my permission. It was after she did it she told me, and I know that what she did is not right. I wanted at least two more children. We are not married as yet. She has a good head and she works hard. But how can she say she loves me and stopped herself from having children and didn't tell me? She is a good mother, but why should I forgive her for doing such a wicked thing? What am I to do, sir?

L.A

Dear L.A.,

What I suggest that you do is to love your woman more than before. When you look at her, remind yourself that she is not only a queen but she is very wise. And you should also remind yourself that you can't get pregnant. You don't carry a pregnancy for nine months. You have never felt pain in a delivery room. You have never undergone stress of pregnancy or after giving birth. You have never been exhausted as a woman to take care of children. You should bless this woman instead of fussing with her for doing a tubal ligation.

It can be argued that she should have told you, but she knew that you would have discouraged her from doing it, so she did it and told you after. Having this operation is something that she has thought out for a long time. It is her body and she knew that limiting the number of children will enable the three children that you have now the opportunity to have a good education. Remember, you do not earn much. A security officer's pay is very small, that is my understanding. So cool it and love your woman more than before.

Pastor