I am in my 30s and while most of my colleagues are looking to settle down, get married and have babies, my formula for happiness looks very different.

I have been asked on numerous occasions, why I'm not married, or what am I waiting on for some man to make an honest woman out of me. Personally, I think that statement alone - "make an honest woman" - has many issues because it is the implication that single women are dishonest until a man marries her? I don't understand the genesis of that comment. But I digress.

Let me first say that I am fine with marriage - to a point. I have some challenges with the institution, like the fact that there is no expiry date on the contract, or that it is somehow a requirement by God so people are 'legal' to have sex with each other, among others. But I think that two or more people committing to build life and be each others' partner for life is a great thing, especially when the partners actually become assets to each other, support each other and really work to make the journey easier and more enjoyable to all of you - that is beautiful.

While I am a fan of marriage, I detest weddings. I don't like the dress, invitations, the cake, food, the toasts - none of it. I hate the fact that it sometimes become such a spectacle that the bond between the couple disappears and the focus is on the invited audience (guests) rather than the commitment that these people are making to each other. I especially have a real issue with the vows. Let's take a look at traditional vows repeated by the couple on this special day.

Traditional Vows:

"I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part".

Now, let's examine what these vows really mean and the fact that couples are setting themselves up for failure by making them in the first place.

1. For better or worse - How much worse is this really talking about? If persons really kept this vow, divorce would not exist. If you are saying that you are prepared to stay no matter how bad things get, then that's what it should be. I actually think that this section of the vow needs to be adjusted.

2. For richer or poorer - If both parties in the couple start off comfortable and one person loses all their money, is it fair to expect the innocent party to stay in the marriage? Are you prepared to be homeless with this person if it comes down to it. Also, would this part of the vow already be covered with the "for better or worse" section?

3. In sickness and in health - I think adjustments must be made to this vow because what if the sickness is an STD that one partner contracted because they were unfaithful? Should the other partner be expected to stay anyway?

4. Til death do us part - It is no secret that I think that marriage licences should have an expiry date. If we look at other contracts, there is usually an exit clause, so marriage licences should be treated the same way. Couples can always renew the contract if they choose to stay together and for the ones who opt not to, they can just move on after the licence expires.

No, don't get me wrong, I know that when couples are in love they don't think about these vows and saying them sound so great on wedding day. It's when they start to argue and the relationship starts to lose its relevance that they really come into question. What I recommend is that each person creates vows that represents something they can commit to rather than just repeat some words that are just a part of the ceremony.

Question

Dear Dr Sexy-Ann

I am a serial matey. I can never seem to find a man for myself, but I am happy to share someone's man. I can have fun with him without the commitment and I don't have to worry about doing all the domestic stuff for him. I love my life but my friends say it's wrong. I don't trust men because I know they cheat. Will I ever be in a relationship with a man by myself?

Lisa, Mandeville

Dear Lisa,

My opinion about your relationships is different than what your friends say. I always say that happiness is not cookie cutter and everyone has their own version of achieving it. You are in a consensual relationship with another adult and you get to define what that means. If you want to be in a relationship with a man by yourself, it's up to you to make that happen. But don't do it for your friends' approval. You are in charge of your happiness, take that job seriously.

Good luck

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexyann or Facebook www.facebook.com/ShellyAnnDrSexyWeeks.

Dr Sexy -Ann