Dear Pastor,

First, I must say that I am a regular reader of your column and I must congratulate you on the work that you are doing. I am 17 years old and I have a girlfriend. She is also 17. I know that you may say that I am too young to have a serious girlfriend, but she and I have been friends for six months and her mother knows about it. Since I am out of school, I am working and I give her money.

She lied to me and told me that she was a virgin, but when I had sex with her she did not bleed. the first girl I had sex with was a virgin and when we had sex she bled, so I told this girl that I am going to leave her because she was lying to me. Then she admitted that she had sex with one of her cousins and that she agreed to have sex with him because he used to give her money. I forgave her but now I don't trust her. I still give her money because she needs it. Her mother has six of them and she cannot afford to support all of them.

I am living with my parents. My mother knows about my girlfriend. She has told me to leave the girl alone and go to HEART for some training, but I would like this girl to go to HEART, too.

A.G.

Dear A.G.,

I suggest that you take the advice of your mother. This girl is also 17 years old and I am sure she means well. She needed help and her cousin took advantage of her and had sex with her and gave her money. He shouldn't have done that, but at the same time she should have reported the matter to her mother. He is not a good cousin.

Ashamed

She was ashamed of what happened and that's why she lied to you and told you that she was a virgin. Perhaps she didn't expect you to ask her for sex, or she wasn't aware that you are an experienced young man. You are talking as a real big man who has been around and knows about women. I am sure you have read about a woman's virginity and you have listened to older men.

By the way, what has happened to the girl whose virginity you took? Did you dump her for this other girl? Your present girlfriend's mother knows that both of you are friends, but do you think that she would be happy to know that both of you are having sex? I think not. Because you are giving her money does not mean that you should be expecting her to have sex with you.

Your mother told you to go to HEART. Please do so, and it is not a bad idea if you would encourage this young lady to also try and get some training there. By the way, if this girl and you insist that both of you should have sex, I hope that both of you would use the condom.

Pastor