Dear Pastor,

I really need your advice because I don't know what to do. I have been with this guy for almost a year. He is 21 and I am 18. I love this guy and I have done so much for him. For the past couple of weeks he told me he got a girl pregnant and at that time she was one month pregnant. She is two months pregnant now and surprisingly this girl is his ex-girlfriend. They were together for two years.

Before I started a relationship with this guy he told me he ended the relationship with her but I found out it was all a lie. They weren't that close while we were dating, but they were still seeing each other. When he told me about the pregnancy I was very shocked, angry and hurt. I cried and was tempted to do very bad things. I cried for a week straight without eating. I only drank. Then I thought about the situation and said to myself that he was honest enough to let me know.

So, I forgave him about it but couldn't get what he had done out of my mind. I went to his house at the same time and we talked about it. He cried and said that he was sorry and that it was a mistake. I tried my best to be there for him because he asked me to and he doesn't want me to leave him. He told me he loves me and I believed him because after we talked over the situation, he did a lot for me to show how much he was sorry. I wanted to be the first to carry his child.

Texting his babymother

One day he was on his way to work and I accompanied him and I saw him texting his babymother. I saw a text that he sent to her saying, "Don't ask her, tell her." So I asked him what was it about and he said she wants to spend the weekend with him. At that moment I felt terribly betrayed because he said I was to come and spend time with him that weekend.

I understand that she is carrying his child and he has to support her in every way but at the time when she got pregnant for him, he started to move away from me and I felt hurt. He doesn't have time for me anymore and he stopped showing me love like he used to and I am lonely. I know he was desperate for a child but I wasn't ready to give him one because of my studies and I asked him if he could wait on me and he said yes. But he cheated on me and got his ex-girlfriend pregnant by mistake.

He asked me to clean his room one Saturday while he was at work and I did. I moved around his furniture and it wasn't easy. They were very heavy but I managed to move them. One day he got a day off from work and he told me his babymother was visiting. I started to think, "Why don't I leave this man to his babymother?" Every time he mentions her to me my heart pumps very fast and I always break down in tears. I felt really bad because why should I clean his room and another woman goes there and mess it up and then I will have to clean up her mess?

Should I let go and move on and leave him and his babymother to live freely? I await your advice. This situation is tattooed in my mind and heart.

Loved and Hurt

Dear Loved and Hurt,

I feel so very sorry for you. I hate to see a girl who is trying to further her education be so naïve. This guy is fooling you all the way. He knows that you love him and he has got you to the place where you believe all his lies. Anything he says to you, you believe. No wonder people say that love is blind. But true love is not blind. When a person is genuinely in love, he/she could think straight, but when infatuation has taken over, that person doesn't think right.

By your attitude, you are giving this man the impression that you are not intelligent, but I believe that you are intelligent. But when you think of what you have done for this guy and with this guy, you find it difficult to believe that he has rejected you and gone back to the woman he claimed to be his ex. She was never his ex. They might have had disagreements and as a result their relationship was strained, but she was always in his life.

Remember that he wanted to impregnate you and you said no but she was quite willing. Now he has used you to get his apartment ready for her to come and spend time with him.

May God open your eyes and show you that this guy will eventually become a nuisance in your life if you don't leave him. His tears meant nothing. He is a good actor. He will put on another act for you if you stick around. Get out of his life right now. Dry your tears. In your mind, bury him in the cemetery, "dust to dust, ashes to ashes." If you do, whenever his babymother texts, it wouldn't bother you at all. You would ignore her. Ask God to give you the strength to get over this man.

Pastor